Hankblog: May 2004

Monday, May 31, 2004

Movie Review: Shrek 2
Shrek 2 (2004) Director - Andrew Adamson, Kelly Asbury, Conrad Vernon; Starring - Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Eddie Murphy, Antonio Banderas, Jennifer Saunders, John Cleese, Rupert Everett, Julie Andrews; Screenplay - William Steig, J. David Stem, Joe Stillman, David N. Weiss; Rated PG for crude humor, limited suggestive content, and a brief drug reference.

Intro/Ogreview

When Shrek was released in 2001, it was the first computer animated film that seemed like it might be able to keep up with the juggernaut that is Pixar. The movie was fun, with enjoyable characters. I remember thinking then that Dreamworks had one animation edge over Pixar in the area of making realistic looking human characters, and still believe this to be the case.

The movie grossed slightly more than the Pixar/Disney feature Monsters, Inc released the same year, a nice thumb of the nose by former Disney exec Jeffrey Katzenberg towards his former employers. The question with Shrek 2 would be, like with any sequel, "Is a lot more of a good thing still good?" I felt like the answer to this question, at least in this case, is a definitive "Yes".

What is Shrek 2?
Shrek 2 opens with our heroes from the first volume returning home to Shrek's swamp home. Shrek (Mike Myers) and Fiona (Cameron Diaz) are reunited with their faithful obnoxious friend Donkey (Eddie Murphy) in time to receive an invitation from Fiona's parents. The King and Queen of Far, Far, Away (John Cleese and Julie Andrews) are eager to meet their daughter's new husband, who they mistakenly believe will be Prince Charming (Rupert Everett).

Chaos reigns when Shrek, Fiona, and Donkey arrive, and the King and Queen find all is not as they had foreseen. The King attempts to enlist the help of the wish granting Fairy Godmother (AbFab's Jennifer Saunders) to try and get Fiona in good with Godmother's son - Prince Charming.

Fairly straightforward script. Is it a beauty? Or a beast?
In much the same fashion as the first film, the movie throws jokes at the audience by the bushel. Sight gags, pop culture references, and flip comments are in abundance. In that vein, the movie reminds me to the slapstick comedy of Abrahams, Zucker, and Zucker. Like Airplane!, not all the jokes stick, but the vast majority do.

There's a spot on mock up of Beverly Hills' Rodeo Drive. The honeymoon sequence has a couple of really brilliant sendups of Lord of the Rings and Spiderman amongst other box office behemoths, films Shrek 2 hopes to challenge in dollars brought in. But even in these huge visuals, I love the little touches in the details that give the landscape its depth. My favorite gags is also one of the smallest details in the film (check the print on a small red bottle that comes out in the second third of the film).

The entire last act of the film is a pretty frenetic rush of action that gives the movie a lot more punch at the end than the first film had. There's a visit from some of the minor supporting characters from the first film, and then just one laugh after another to close it out.

And the performances?
There's a bit of a mixed bag here, but much more good than bad. Both Andrews' Queen and Everett's Prince are largely wasted. They don't get nearly enough lines or exposure to really have an impact on the audience. Cleese's King fares a little better, but he's only a little more than help to move the plot along.

Diaz, Myers, and Murphy all hold their own very admirably. Diaz has to carry a little more of the emotional weight of the movie than she did in the first, and she steps up to the task well enough. Murphy again seems to be doing some of his best work when he doesn't have to act and can just let all of his emotion out in his voice while the animators do the rest. It's a shame he can't pull this kind of work down when he's actually appearing on the screen these days. And Myers is...well...Myers. This performance helps make up considerably for foisting The Cat in the Hat on an unsuspecting public.

The real story where the performances are concerned lies in the other two newcomers to the Shrek universe. Saunders as Fairy Godmother really seems to relish the role she's been given. There's more than a little of her Edina character from AbFab in this role, as well as a touch her partner in crime from the show, Patsy. She also has two of the musical numbers in the movie, and I was very pleasantly surprised at just how strong a voice she has.

But the runaway winner for my favorite new character is Antonio Banderas' Puss in Boots. The snippet shown the trailer doesn't even come close to doing justice to how insanely funny Puss is as a character, or highlight adequately just how vividly Puss is animated. Top to bottom, Puss is the most real looking thing in the movie, a fact that I find exciting and a little disturbing for the potential long term impact on hand drawn animation. Banderas gets some really funny lines, and chews the scenery with a lot of zeal. He should get wide praise for his work on this film.

Any negatives?
At first I thought the movie's overall feel didn't seem as strong as when I saw the first one. It's only after I gave the movie some consideration that I really appreciated some of the more subtle aspects of what it does. I remember reading some commentary/criticism of the first film that it sent the message that you had to be ugly to be accepted. While I personally didn't get that from the film, I think that Andrew Adamson (the one holdover director from the first film) took the criticism into consideration while helping the screenwriters craft the message in this film. It's a lot easier understand the point they're trying to make, and consequently, I think the ending is a lot more satisfying.

So a fairy tale ending?
Fractured Fairy Tale, maybe. But as a fan of the old Jay Ward classics, I think that's a very good thing. If you liked the first film, you're going to really enjoy the second. And I think the sequel might win a few converts over who maybe didn't care for the first. But it's a good way to start the summer season, and a much more entertaining ride than Troy as far as the summer films go. A good fun ride, whether you have children or no.

Saturday, May 29, 2004

While I'm in limbo

Got turned to this article about the economics of the online game EverQuest, that makes for some highly interesting and slightly disturbing reading. If you've played EverQuest, and think there's any merit to the piece, please offer up your observations in the comments. But it's a very interesting read.

Updates on blogging

Last night I stayed the night on the floor in my brand new house. I drifted off to sleep listening to some piece of metal scarping against something in the uncompleted two story next door. There was a freak paranoid moment (damn my watching too many movies :-) where I had thoughts like "What if the house is built on an old Indian burial ground, and my place is haunted?" Then I realized I'd just charge the bastich ghosts rent, and felt much better ;-)

I hope to return to some regular schedule with blogging. I still won't have internet access at the house for a few more days yet, and since work is really picking up for me right now, my opportunities to blog during the day are few. But I haven't forgotten y'all. Hell some of you people are going to be helping me move/paint/finish furniture :-D.

I'll see y'all again soon here. Be well.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Missing me?

Many apologies for the deafening silence. As some of you know, I am on the verge of my first home purchase, and I am finding myself overwhelmed with equal parts excitement and sheer terror at the kind of responibility I am about to take on. I close end of this week, and I am wondering if I am going to be able to make it there without throwing up.

So I will hopefully have Die Hard up tonight, and then some light posting tomorrow and Thursday before selling my soul and firstborn to get a house. See you soon.

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Where's the compassion? Especially when there are results to be had.

This one comes from Rivka at the curiously named blog Respectful to Otters by way of Kevin at Washington Monthly. What's a way to reduce crime, reduce the number of teenage pregnancies, all without promoting sex ed in schools, or giving out birth control?

The answer: nurses.

Results of the Nurse-Family Partnership are eye-opening, Shannon said.

Research tracked 400 low-income, unmarried women in Chemung County 13 years after they left the program. The results were compared to counterparts in a control group. Among the findings:

- 79 percent fewer cases of child abuse and neglect among the families who went through the program compared to the control group.

- 33 percent fewer subsequent pregnancies.

- 54 percent fewer arrests among 15-year-olds.

- 69 percent fewer convictions and probation violations among 15-year-olds.

- 58 percent fewer sexual partners among 15-year-olds.

Read the whole story. It's some really fascinating info, and outstanding results. Why the hell politicians of any ideological stripe won't get behind this is beyond me.

Life is not without its ironies

Josh Marshall gave me a good laugh this evening by noting the parallels between a comment Kerry made about W's bike accident today and Marshall's own look at comments W made about the Iraqi transition earlier in the week.

Not everyone will find it as funny as I maybe, but it still gave me a grin :-).

Update: Atrios also had the daily double down.

Saturday, May 22, 2004

Movie Retrospectives: One Man Armies
Commando

Name: Col. John Matrix (Arnold Schwarzennegger, sporting the worst name in Hollywood since...Arnold Schwarzennegger), former military elite commando, now retired.

Mission: Search and rescue. Matrix's daughter Jenny (Alyssa Milano, a year into her run on Who's The Boss has been kidnapped by a South American dictator who Matrix helped depose. The dictator (Arius, played with hammy glee by Dan Hedeya) wants Matrix to kill the man who replaced Arius, or Arius will kill Matrix's daughter. Matrix has only 11 hours to be able to find his daughter and rescue her.

Allied forces: Cindy (Rae Dawn Chong), a flight attendant who gets caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, but quickly comes to Matrix's aid in the most unbelievable ways; and Major General Franklin Kirby, whose sole purpose as Matrix's former C.O. is to appear on the scene, look gruff, and occasionally make overtures to Matrix to get back in the service.

Enemy combatants: Hedeya's Arius, who's just all kinds of awful; Bennett (Vernon Wells), a former colleague of Matrix's whose just dying to show Matrix how much better he is than Matrix.

Success of mission: A successful campaign with a lot of carnage the whole way through. A whopping body count that I came to an end at with 99 confirmed kills. When Alamo Drafthouse ran a series of Mondo Trivia nights, their onscreen death count for this movie came to triple digits, I thought. They may have been a lot more generous with the exploding buildings than I was. But Matrix essentially obliterates the entire working population of a small island working for Arius at the close of the movie. It's one of the most ridiculously over the top killing sprees in any movie ever done, let alone of the five we'll look at this week.

Other notable activity: Helped dull the thud that came with Red Sonja, Arnie's contractually obligated film appearance that released after The Terminator, same year as this feature. Further established Arnie as a box office action draw on his way to the Governor's Mansion in California. Whether that's for good or bad still is open to debate, I suppose. The state hasn't fallen off into the sea and floated away yet.

Summation of activity: Absolutely cheesy action fodder. Some of Arnie's worst one liners are thrown about this movie like frisbees. Thankfully, the movie did not help to draw out Rae Dawn Chong's overextended 15 minutes of fame (she had several films after this, but only a couple with the same kind of broad appeal and box office that this one did). In addition to employing 80s TV refugees Milano and Hedeya, also gave one more film credit to Bill Paxton alongside Arnie (he has a bit part as a Coast Guard radio operator). Nice if you want to have a drinking game where you can binge at the end by taking a drink every time Arnie caps somebody (you'll have to do a keg stand to get through the last half hour).

Tomorrow: the last One Man Army and film retrospective for a while, John McClane in Die Hard.

Michael Eisner is soooo toasted

Yeah, because, you know, no studio executive worth his salt would want to have anything to do with a movie that won the Palme d'Or at Cannes.

U.S. filmmaker Michael Moore's "Fahrenheit 9/11," a scathing indictment of White House actions after the September 11 attacks, won the top prize Saturday at the Cannes Film Festival.

"Fahrenheit 9/11" was the first documentary to win Cannes' prestigious Palme d'Or since Jacques Cousteau's "The Silent World" in 1956.

Very prestigious company that Moore resides in now. Between the snafu about whether Disney would allow Mirimax to distribute the movie, and losing the rights to distribute any future Pixar features, and one has to wonder how in the hell it is that Eisner has any job at all. Somewhere under the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, Walt is spinning in his freezer like a whirling dervish.

Movie Retrospectives: One Man Armies
First Blood

Name: John J. Rambo (Sylvester Stallone), former Army Green Beret during the Vietnam War. Rambo is now struggling to find a place in a world where he is feared and despised for the actions he took while serving his country.

Mission: Survival and revenge. After being hassled by a redneck sheriff (Brian Dennehy) in the northwest while looking for an old army buddy, Rambo finds himself on the wrong side of the law. He's wrongly arrested, beaten, but breaks out. When Dennehy's Sheriff Will Teasle makes this a personal vendetta, the war is on.

Allied forces: Col. Samuel Trautman (Richard Crenna), Rambo's C.O. in Vietnam. Trautman tries valiantly to convince Teasle of the folly of his thirst to nail Rambo. It falls on deaf ears.

Enemy combatants: Sheriff Teasle, and his loose gathering of lawmen that ranges from the fellow redneck good ol' boy in Deputy Sergeant Arthur Gault, to the more reflective Deputy Mitch (a very young David Caruso), who seems to understand the fool's errand that trying to catch Rambo really is.

Success of mission: Rambo does get a fair amount of payback, but the damage wrought in the course of duty is surprisingly low. Though he does seriously injure a large number of deputies, there is only one verifiable on screen death, and that is the result of an accident. IMDB.com lists three more in a car crash in a later scene, but those kills aren't verifiable, and the car itself does not explode. Considering the subsequent carnage in the two sequels to this movie, seems odd that they should be so death ridden when the original was not.

Other notable activity: Typically wooden acting from Sly, although he is mercifully not called upon to speak much at all. He does have one tear streaked speech at the end to Trautman that is almost wholly unintelligible. Stallone is to articulation in this movie what Brad Pitt was to it in Snatch. Sadly, Stallone's gibberish isn't nearly as entertaining because it isn't played for laughs in any way.

Summation of activity: It's interesting to watch this movie, because in its own ham handed way, it does raise some interesting questions. Would this movie play the same way if Rambo's character were a black man being harassed by white lawmen? The message would take on a whole different meaning under those circumstances.

And while I do get the impression that this movie is something of a fave among the conservative crowd, I find that odd considering that this movie carries a very strong anti-war message. Trautman's voice of reason coming from a career officer carries a little more weight as he lectures Rambo to take a look at what his personal war has wrought. It's a much more peacenik message than one would expect out of a movie such as this, and in some respects, I think that message actually plays pretty well, despite Stallone's dramatic limitations. It's an interesting discussion/debate, at least in my mind.

Next up: Maximum carnage from the Gubernator's John Matrix (who came up with that cockamamie name) in Commando.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

Movie Retrospectives: One Man Armies
Escape From New York

Name: Snake Pliskin (Kurt Russell), a former Army Special Forces member, now afoul of the law.

Mission: In the distant future (at the time of filming, this meant 1997), the president has crashed in Air Force One on the island of Manhattan. This is a problem, since in 1988, Manhattan was turned into the largest prison in the world. The island is completely fenced in to hold the lowest of the low on the criminal ladder. Pliskin is the only man who might be able to get in, get the President, and get out.

Allied forces: Brain (Harry Dean Stanton), Cabbie (Ernest Borgnine), and Maggie (Adrienne Barbeau, and her breasts). These three refugees have carved out a niche for survival on the inside of New York Penitentiary.

Enemy combatants: The Duke of New York (the perpetually cool Isaac Hayes), the baddest power inside New York; Bob Hauk (Lee Van Cleef), warden of the prison. He may seem like he's on Snake's side, but he works only for himself.

Success of mission: Snake takes down eight various street freaks on the inside, and injures at least half a dozen more. His cohorts knock off another 4-6. The President is saved, but is the rest of the world?

Other notable activity: This is one of the ultimate guy movies. From Pliskin's gravelly tough guy voice (and constantly being asked "Weren't you dead?"), to Hayes uber bad ass Duke, to Van Cleef's hardass warden (and let's not forget Barbeau's cleavage), this movie exudes machismo from every pore. Other guy movies are bloodier, or have more action. But this one just corners the market on guy "cool". It's so cool, it doesn't even have to kill everyone, because it knows how cool it is. Donald Plesance is a weasely, conniving, political animal as the President. I'd still vote for him over W. in a heartbeat.

Summation of activity: Not a great movie if you're looking for masterful acting performances, but still a very fun ride, that is entertaining. There's a bit of a chill I got early on, as Snake lands a glider on the top of one of the World Trade Center towers. I would imagine everyone gets some kind of feeling seeing them in movies made pre-9/11, and I wonder if I will ever get past that feeling. All things being equal, it's still a good guy movie, made for late night watching, with pizza, beer, maybe some poker. You can cheer the cool moments and tune out the rest.

Tomorrow: John Rambo rampages in First Blood.

Yeah..so uh...no Snake last night either...

Escape From NY will be up later today, depending on workload at my real job. Thanks.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Best Commencement Speech. Ever.

Via Norbizness, we have John Stewart addressing the class at William and Mary.

God, I'll be happy once I get into my house, get cable or satellite, and start watching Daily Show. I have been away for far too long.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Go for it old timer!

Damn, the Unit is just nasty!

Arizona's Randy Johnson became the oldest pitcher in major league history to throw a perfect game, retiring all 27 hitters to lead the Diamondbacks over the Atlanta Braves 2-0 Tuesday night.

The 40-year-old left-hander struck out 13 and went to three balls on just one hitter -- Johnny Estrada in the second inning. Estrada fouled off three straight 3-2 pitches before going down swinging.

Bully for Randy. The nastiest lefty to come down the pike in a while!

No Escape From New York tonight.

Got bit by a touch of cocktail flu. Will be back at full speed tomorrow.

Charles Darwin, please pick up the white courtesy phone.

Story

A student who drank a chemical from his high school lab on a dare was recovering in a hospital, but not before a scare.

Should I be surprised that this happened in Odessa? Hell, no.

Chutzpah in action

From The Gadflyer, it's amusing to note that as the RNC talks up Bush's economic plan, and how we're finally turning the corner towards real job growth, these same people are outsourcing their own flipping fundraising call centers!!!

While the Internet provides fertile ground for spoofs on Bush's job being outsourced to India, his task is certainly being made a lot easier by Indians. Until recently, HCL eServe, the business process outsourcing (BPO) arm of Shiv Nadar-promoted HCL Technologies, handled Bush's nationwide fundraising campaign over the telephone.

Combine that with the piece over at the Daily Kos showing how Bush's rhetoric at the Timkin Company is Canton, OH was more style than substance, as they've outsourced also, and closed the plant down, and Bush starts looking like a real Typhoid Mary in regards to job growth.

Sound Science fiction
A week behind the curve, but still very relevant, is this story from The Gadflyer about the manipulation by conservatives over the meaning of "sound science":

Much of the modern conservative agenda on science is embodied in the enigmatic phrase "sound science," a term used with increasing frequency these days despite its apparent lack of a clear, agreed-upon definition. In one sense, "sound science" simply means "good science." Indeed, when unwitting liberals and journalists have been caught using the phrase – which happens quite frequently – it appears to have been with this meaning in mind.

Conservatives, too, want people to hear "good science" when they say "sound science." But there are reasons for thinking they actually mean something more by the term.

Considering the noise that's sure to come up next Friday when The Day After Tomorrow gets released, I think it's a good read to keep in mind when the Bushies start lambasting the movie over its avoidance of "sound science". Recognize it for the horse manure it is.

Don't Panic! And grab a towel...

Via Counterspin Central, we now have this. I'll let Hesiod's description do it justice:

More popular than the Celestial Blog Care Omnibus, more hits than Fifty-three More Things to blog in Zero Gravity, and more controversial than Glenn Reynolds' trilogy of philosophical blockbusters Where Saddam Hussein Went Wrong, Some More of Saddam Hussein's Greatest Mistakes and Who is this Saddam Person Anyway?

I have a feeling the 42nd post to that blog will be the key one to read :-)

The video of the Marvin costume test is cute. Gives me hope they have the right feel for the thing.

So long. Thanks for all the fish!

Cinema Reality

Crooked Timber's new movie viewing guidelines:

In the wake of the insta-criticism of the film The Day After Tomorrow because it is a silly big-budget action movie and not a policy briefing paid for by the coal industry, CT will be providing further movie criticism along these lines. Reel in shock at The Fast and the Furious for its inaccurate picture of driving conditions in Los Angeles! Be outraged at The Pricess Bride for its whitewashing of the reality of aristocratic forms of government! Fume at Godzilla for ignoring basic facts about radiation and the typical size of lizards! And get ticked off at almost every movie ever that suggests that you eventually get the girl. Or that girls even look like that in the first place.

Any other suggestions for movies that warrant criticism along these lines? Should we be critical of Stuck on You for cruelly deceiving us into thinking that Greg Kinnear and Matt Damon were conjoined twins, and Cher was boinking Frankie Muniz from Malcolm in the Middle?

Happy Anniversary to the Calpundit!

Kevin Drum, formerly of Calpundit and catblogging fame, now living the political blogger's dream of getting paid to do this stuff celebrates his wedding anniversary today. If you read him, go over and give him and Marion some love.

R.I.P. Tony Randall

I hadn't heard this until I saw it at Counterspin Central:

Tony Randall, who served as a fussy foil for Rock Hudson and Doris Day, David Letterman and Johnny Carson and, most famously, Jack Klugman on "The Odd Couple," has died at 84 after a long illness.

Hesiod also had the best note from the story up:

In September, during a speech to the National Funeral Directors Association, Randall joked about how he envisioned his own ceremony: President Bush and Vice President Cheney would show up to pay their respects, but they'd be turned away because his family knows he didn't like them.

God rest your soul, Felix Unger. May they keep heaven cleaner than Oscar did your home.

Monday, May 17, 2004

Movie Retrospectives: One Man Armies
Death Wish (1974)

Name: Paul Kersey, played by Charles Bronson

Mission: To gain revenge on the same types of street criminals that broke into his home, beat and sexually assaulted his daughter, and killed his wife.

Allied forces: A police captain sympathetic to his cause (Vincent Gardenia); the people of New York who, like Kersey, are tired of living in fear; Ames Jainchill, a land developer who lives in Tuscon, but is the embodiment of every bad Texan stereotype you can imagine (he has not one, but two sets of bull horns mounted on his car).

Enemy combatants: The street scum of New York (look for one of the punks who attacks Kersey's wife. A very young Jeff Goldblum, in a turn he'd probably like to forget); liberals everywhere.

Success of mission: Kersey successfully kills ten would be street robbers before taking a non-fatal wound to the leg. He manages to get out of the jam with Gardenia's help, leaving him free to star in four sequels, and a few other stylistic knockoffs as well. He also knocks on punk silly with a punch to the jaw while holding a sock with two rolls of quarters in it.

Other notable activity: This movie positively screams "NRA/RNC Recruiting Film". From the moment Kersey is derided mockingly by a coworker as a bleeding heart liberal for worrying about the "less fortunates", Kersey has everything bad under the sun go wrong for him. It's only after he is shown the light by the gun toting developer Jainchill while helping layout a housing development in Arizona that Kersey truly finds his inner strength and can start meting out justice. And naturally Kersey, despite not having handled a gun in well over 30 or 40 years, is a dead eye shot, hitting only those who deserve punishment.

Summation of activity: A cheesy revenge fantasy action pic that may make neocons chomp at the bit, but won't get the passions stoke in many other people. Good for a laugh, but I can't help but feel a little sorry for Bronson. This role turned him into something of a caricature of his former self. At what point does stoic strength turn into wooden acting in Hollywood? Apparently, somewhere in the neighborhood of 53.

Tomorrow's army: Snake Pliskin in Escape From New York

Movie Review: Super Size Me
Super Size Me (2004) Written and directed by, and starring - Morgan Spurlock; Not Rated (a smidge of nudity, and a couple of sexual and drug references, but nothing racy).

Intro - Appetizers
America has long had this fascination with quick weight loss. I hasn't done a thing to reduce our reputation as one of the most obese countries on the planet. These days, everyone is looking for that wonder fix that will make them look svelte with a minimal amount of work. In that vein, I say I have seen the answer. Forget Atkins. Forget South Beach. All you need to do is see this one movie. And you will never want to eat junk fast food again.

Story - The Menu
Super Size Me is a documentary by an amiable gentleman named Morgan Spurlock. Morgan was interested in the lawsuits filed by two young girls who were claiming that McDonald's used false advertising in conjunction with their food to make them obese and unhealthy. The suit was dismissed by a judge last September. In his opinion, Judge Robert Sweet wrote:

"The plaintiffs have made no explicit allegations that they witnessed any particular deceptive advertisement, and they have not provided McDonald's with enough information to determine whether its products are the cause of the alleged injuries."

Spurlock felt that this was a flawed premise. McDonald's had to have plenty of info to indicate their food contributed to poor health. So to prove the point, Spurlock engaged in a most unusual experiment. For 30 days, he ate McDonald's food three meals a day. And he documented the ordeal on film for all the world to see.

Rules of the game - The Burger
After extensive testing by three different medical specialists to establish biological baselines for his general health, Spurlock set out on his quest. The rules he had were fairly basic:

1) He had to try everything on the McDonald's menu at least once during the 30 days. Over that month, he would travel to different parts of the country talking to various dietary experts, as well as average people on the street, to get a feel for how fast food played a part in their lives. If in his travels, he found a new or regional special (like the Texas Homestyle Burger while in Texas), he had to try it.

2) He would super size his meal if asked. Otherwise he would just get a regular size.

3) If it wasn't on a McDonald's menu, he could not order it. So he couldn't have water to drink unless that McDonald's sold bottled water as one of the menu options.

4) He would not engage in any more exercise than the average American. So he did not work out, and with the help of a pedometer, limited his walking to no more than a mile a day.

Lessons - Fries with that?
Along the way, Spurlock mixes his journey "living every 8 year-old's dream" with information, graphics, and interviews that show just how much McDonald's pervades American culture. There's a map showing McDonald's coverage of Manhattan (where Spurlock lives), that almost makes me think Starbucks is run by amateurs when it comes to coverage.

The periodic weigh-ins and blood tests take some of the humor in cracks about coming down with the "McShakes and McSweats" in day 2 and injects a morbid gallows humor quality to it. Spurlock puts on 10 pounds in a week on his new diet, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Over the course of the 30 days, we see Spurlock morph from a very funny and energetic man, into a moody, lethargic mess. A scare late in the run from a series of chest pains brings the seriousness of the problems connected to poor diet disturbingly close to home.

And Spurlock shows a real sense of trying to hit the audience where it hurts most. The man has to have utmost confidence in his relationship to allow his girlfriend (a vegan chef in one of the most amusing twists in the story) describe in fair detail the adverse affect his new diet is having on their sex life. She is not blunt, but she also isn't kind. If there's anything that could scare the average American male into trying to straighten up his diet, it's the potential impact on his wang.

The discussions about the cultural impact McDonald's and other junk food purveyors have is also dissected pretty extensively. From talking with first graders who can't identify George Washington but pick Ronald McDonald out in no time, to discussions about how junk food vendors dictate school dietary policy, the audience sees that the reach these companies have literally knows no bounds. This isn't a documentary. It's practically a horror movie. And it's acted out a hell of a lot better than that damn Blair Witch Project.

The Big Finish - Fried Apple Pie and Sundaes
By the time the audience gets to the end of Spurlock's dietary odyssey, the real risk that people gladly take every day with their health is painfully clear. Spurlock celebrates his final McMeal with a flourish, having a McDonald's Birthday Party with friends, family, and physicians as he closes the door on the longest run of self destructive ingestion since Nicolas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas, a parallel that has more impact that is readily apparent at first.

You can't help but be happy for Spurlock for having made it through to the end, despite some really rough patches along the way. You also have to feel a little disgusted by what he actually did. The thought of even looking at another Quarter Pounder by the end just made my stomach heave a little. And you have to be horrified at the thought that are people who actually do what Spurlock did voluntarily for every day of their lives. Don't believe me? Spurlock's got the numbers to prove it.

Go see the movie. Tell me you could even think about having fast food again right after watching it. You'd have to have a stronger stomach than I to manage it.

If you're interested, you can see more at the official website here.

Movie Review: Troy
Troy (2004) Director - Wolfgang Petersen; Starring - Brad Pitt, Eric Bana, Orlando Bloom, Diane Kruger, Peter O'Toole, Brian Cox, Brendan Gleeson; Screenplay - David Benioff, inspired by The Iliad by Homer; Rated R for violence, some nudity and sexual situations.

Intro - My Spartan knowledge of the subject matter
I was married to a classicist. One of my closest friends is also well versed in the classics. Despite this learned company, I must confess to a very limited knowledge of the source material that ostensibly is the basis for Troy. I confess that my knowledge of Homer is more extensive in baseball and The Simpsons than with the poet. I hoped that this might dull any bias I might have for or against the film. Having seen enough advance press to know that this script might have about as much association with Homer as Rafael Belliard, I knew not to expect something epic. The film easily lived down to my expectations and then some.

Is this thing going to be peppered with more bad puns?
Considering the cheese factor of this movie, I would consider that feta-ccompli.

The story of Agamemnon: They're all Greeks to him
The movie opens with a brief history lesson. The Greek King Agamemnon (Brian Cox) has been successful in a drive to unite the various kingdoms of ancient Greece under his leadership. He has done this by hook and by crook, utilizing the strongarm power of Achilles (Brad Pitt), the fiercest warrior the world has ever known.

The forced peace Agamemnon has fashioned is threatened when Trojan Prince Paris (Orlando Bloom) absconds with the wife of Spartan King Menelaus (Brenden Gleeson). Paris convinces brother Hector (Eric Bana) to continue on to Troy with his love Helen (Diane Kruger) aboard. His hope is that their father Priam (Peter O'Toole) may be able to advise on whether their love may be held together or torn asunder. The threat level is higher than Paris realizes, as Agamemnon sees this love affair as the key to being able to attack Troy to bring the last rogue state under his purview.

I think Aeneid more background than that
Maybe so, but this is not the place to find it. Nothing about this movie has any measure of subtlety or attention to important details at all. Instead it seems more fixated on the flash and dash. The spectacle is the thing.

Take Achilles for example (warning, minor spoiler territory ahead). In the opening scenes of the film, we get to see Agamemnon getting set to bring one more army under his umbrella. Rather than engage in wholesale slaughter, he talks the opposing King Triopas into a one-on-one matchup: Agamemnon's best warrior, against the top dog from Triopas' men. Triopas' champion is a big hulking brute of a man named Boagrius. Agamemnon calls upon Achilles, but he's not there. He has to be summoned from camp, where he's sleeping off the afterglow of a night spent in the throes of passion with not one, but two lovely ladies (see how masculine our hero is).

After gratuitous flash of Pitt's ass and abs (did we mention he was masculine?), he shows up for the fight. Then we get treated to a fight that is over before it even begins, with Pitt delivering this ridiculous looking side jump/kick and stab move that looks like he should be singing "Skip to M'Lou" as he does it. Boagrius dies from the one cut. All I could think was that Achilles had nothing left after the two ladies, having shot his wad in 10 seconds. Crude analogy? Absolutely, but that's exactly how it plays.

Gyros and Villains
All of the male leads save one have that kind of bluster going on through most of the movie, with very little to back it up. Eric Bana's Hector may be the most balanced of the lot (it's a close call between him and Sean Bean's Odysseus). Even he's prone to the overdone swagger. There's a speech he gives laying into Paris on the boat back to Troy after Paris has revealed that Helen's tagging along for the ride. The whole speech immediately called to mind for me Jack Nicholson's over the top ranting in A Few Good Men. "I eat breakfast 25 miles from 10,000 Spartans who are trained to kill me, blah, blah, blah."

Helen and Paris have a less convincing romance than anything I've seen on the worst soap opera imaginable. With all due respect to Diane Kruger as Helen, she's pretty enough, but she couldn't launch a dinghy, let alone a thousand ships. The moment she starts spitting up some self pitying crap about all the trouble she's caused, you just want to say "So go BACK already, jeez! Anything to keep you quiet." Of course she looks prettier than the other women in the movie. I think she was the only one allowed to bathe during the shoot. On top of that, it looked like Orlando Bloom stole Johnny Depp's eyeliner from Pirates of the Caribbean, and she went nuts with it.

Brian Cox's Agamemnon is so in love with his abilities as a leader, I thought "When did Narcissus make his way into the Iliad?" He's chewing up so much scenery I thought he'd eat his way through the Trojan walls.

Paris is pretty much just a silly little git. Orlando is well on his way to being the Mark Hammil of a new generation, starring in box office giants, and then never being heard from again. The moment he appears in something that doesn't require him to handle a sword or a bow, he's going to disappear into obscurity I think. He just doesn't have any weight as an actor to me.

The only performance that warrants any really serious consideration is O'Toole as Priam. He has a few quiet moments where he shows just how far above all the fray he really is. It's almost as though he watches the other actors, and then in full Master Thespian mode says to the others, "Now in my day, we did something called ACTING!" And then burst out elevating the material as much as he can. He's a truly amazing man to watch work. And he gets maybe 20 minutes of real screen time in a near three hour film.

Sounds like Benioff Styx it to them badly
That's an understatement. My friend Evil Mike mentioned long before the movie came out that he just figured it would be serviceable if they got the angst down right. "Homer is all about the angst," he told me. I don't know if he wanted soap opera angst, but that's what he got in spades.

I mean, how many times do we need to hear the leads tell us how they will live in history for what they do in this war? I mean, if advertisers have to tell us how cool certain clothes are, are they really cool? If you have to tell me how important a person you are, are you really that important? Wouldn't I know that already, without you having to tell me? So why do the characters have to keep telling us how important they are? Because in this drama, they're not really all that.

I really think the whole enterprise was undermined by trying to condense everything. The interplay with the Gods that is so significant in the book is completely thrown out the window. They've condensed a war that happened over 10 or more years if I remember right into what looks like a month at the beach. Three to four weeks isn't a war. That's Reagan invading Grenada. No one holds that up in the history books as one of the great military campaigns of all time. It's a footnote. How are we supposed to get involved in a movie about a footnote?

Nice Horse. But do you have one in another color?
By the time we get to the big finish with the legendary horse, there's just nothing in there that really makes me want to care. If this is going to be crossed up into an epic love story (which The Iliad is most definitely not, from what I do know), then Kruger and Bloom have to carry all the weight and make us care about their relationship. We have to believe that all this hulabaloo has been for something bigger than life. What we get is luke warm puppy love at best.

So let's say instead this is supposed to be a great historical epic, with sweeping action and heroic deeds. What we get posturing, mediocre battles, ham handed dialogue, and a really horrific ending that just keeps going and going and going. If a movie is going to be self important, it damn well better not be boring. And this movie is really dreadfully dull a lot of the time, when it's not ridiculously silly.

So you wouldn't recommend it?
I would be Iliad ease doing so.

The puns have been awful.
Hades are the jokes, folks. I suffered through the movie, you can suffer through me making fun of same.

The classic non-denial denial. Or...
...and Wingnuts bitched about what "the definition of is is"?

Billmon takes apart the denial issued by the DoD regarding Sy Hersh's latest revelations in the prison abuse scandal. You can read Billmon's takedown here, written while he is on his Jordanian adventure. Good stuff.

Saturday, May 15, 2004

What are the odds they'll have a boy next and name him Dell?

So Gwyneth Paltrow had a baby? Or an iPod?

Oscar-winning actress Gwyneth Paltrow has given birth to her first child, a baby girl named Apple Blythe Alison Martin.

No word on whether the record company plans to sue Gwyneth and her husband, Coldplay's Chris Martin. After all, he has something to do with the music industry, so there's some connection.

The Compassionate Sense: I see black people

Via Hit and Run by way of Ezra at Pandagon, we learn in an LA Times Editorial that it would seem the President's definition of compassionate conservatism is to make nice with African-Americans:

So, hmmm: Compassion. What could that mean? What might that involve, thematically speaking? Click the tab, and there you are on the Compassion page.

Nice big picture of Bush merrily shooting the breeze with two black teenage girls. Scroll down to the bottom of the page and you'll find a quadrant labeled Compassion Photos, with the invitation, "Click here for the Compassion Photo Album." Do so.

And let's see, what have we got? First one up: short-sleeved Bush, holding a black kid in his arms, a bleacher full of black kids behind him, and he's merrily waving to the crowd. Click "next." And it's Bush at a Waco Habitat for Humanity building site, his arm draped around a black woman, his other hand tapping the shoulder of another of the black construction volunteers. Next: Bush waving to the Urban League. Next: Bush working a crowd, a black — or maybe, in this case, South Indian — kid prominently featured in the foreground, gazing on in amazement. Bush in an African thatch-roofed schoolroom.

It's incredible: The guy is so compassionate. His wife too: She doesn't seem to have any trouble reading to a bunch of kindergartners of color.

The whole thing is a must read. A particularly scathing indictment of the Bush campaign's insults to voter intelligence.

Friday, May 14, 2004

Movie Retrospectives: Professional Killers
La Femme Nikita

Maybe Luc Besson just has a fetish for the lone wolf types?

Before Luc graced us with what I believe to be the ultimate cinematic professional killer in Leon, Besson did this film about a woman who becomes an assassin via a very different route.

Anne Parillaud is Nikita, a strung out drug addict. She is with several other junkies when their attempt to break into and steal a fix from a pharmacy goes wrong. Nikita is the sole survivor. She shoots a cop in the head, killing him. Sentenced to hard time in prison, she is given an unlikely second chance by a mysterious man named Bob (Tcheky Karyo). He advises Nikita that she can either agree to submit to specialized training to work for the government as a special agent. Or she can inhabit the plot in which she was "buried" as the result of a "tranquilizer overdose".

Given the choice, she goes to work for Bob. It turns out that after some bumps in the training, she has a predisposition towards the profession. Once training is completed, she is released to the outside world, on call to execute jobs for the agency as required. As she tries to reconcile a normal life with her new profession, she finds conflicts that force her to make a choice between one life or the other.

Right out of the gate, I have to rave on Parillaud as Nikita. The woman is hell on wheels from the first moment you see her off her drug addled lows. Fierce, aggressive, and very anti-establishment, she plays the role just right early for the audience to appreciate the transformation she undergoes to become an agent. Part of her training has to be to learn how to behave as a proper lady. Celebrated French actress Jeanne Moreau acts as Nikita's instructor in that regard, and it's this training that proves to be the most difficult as well as the most subtle. There's a scene where she first tries to get Nikita to just smile naturally. Parillaud looks so uncomfortable smiling you wonder if she's ever done it before. It makes the scene darkly funny, and helps you understand just how far she has to go.

Parillaud continues to excel once her training is complete and she's unleashed on the outside world. Her first run through a supermarket as she gets settled in her cover is highly entertaining as she seems ready to overdose on life itself. It's also there that she meets Marco, the man who will become her lover, fiancee, and anchor to her humanity. All the conflicts between her public persona and her professional one start with him. There's a really well played awkward tension as Nikita finds her love for Marco conflicting with her work in very unexpected places.

The film itself has a really beautiful flow to it start to finish. There's all sorts of dark humor pervading the first couple of acts that fades to a very existential sadness by the end. The resolution of the story may seem unsatisfactory to some, simply because it is so open ended (and not in a "ready for sequel" type of way). But there is an undercurrent of French existentialism that forms the basis for the more serious moments, and as such I think the ending is very right for what comes before.

There's a part of me that thinks that somewhere, sometime, Jennifer Garner needs to write a letter of thanks to Besson. Alias probably doesn't happen if this movie is not made in it's own unique way. There was an attempt at an Americanized remake called Point of No Return starring Bridget Fonda that doesn't have nearly the bite that this film does, trying to hard to be stylish. The short lived TV series on USA starring Peta Wilson as Nikita came a bit closer to capturing the real flair of the film. But in the end, there are contenders and pretenders. Nikita is a contender like few others.

That's it for retrospectives this week. Next week there will be a walk down the 80s action genre staple of One Man Armies. Also, may have a review of the new film Troy up late tonight or tomorrow.

Catch y'all later.

New Blogroll Entries

Oliver Willis (I mention why you have to love his site in the tag)
Jesus General (Sick sick man. Gotta love him)
Sadly, No (just started reading this one. Love the hosers, eh?)

The ongoing Mike Danton drama

I guess I've found my recurring subject beyond movies. Parts 1, 2, and 3 of this story.

Since we last left our protagonist, Danton had been jailed on charges of trying to hire a hitman to kill an unknown party. ESPN had speculated that the target might have been Danton's agent Mike Frost. Said target had since said that Danton is actually an addict who's not in his right mind.

Last Saturday, Danton read a statement over the phone from prison to a reporter from the St Louis Post Dispatch. The statement was given without the knowledge of Danton's defense attorney. So naturally the target of ire from Danton's statement would be his alleged victim, right?

Reading calmly, directly and slowly, according to the Post-Dispatch, at times repeating phrases to assure that his statement was copied verbatim, Danton reiterated his support of Frost and his disdain for his family.

Danton said his family's "recent publicity rants are nothing new."

"Their deceptions and lies throughout the past three weeks are a sign of the erratic lifestyle that I have lived. I have changed my last name to fully distance myself from the Jeffersons and in no means have had or will have anything to do with them in the future." (emphasis mine, Jefferson is Danton's given name)

What the hell? And guess who helped Danton write this statement while in prison? That's right. David Frost, Danton's agent, and the alleged target of the killing.

Now today, a judge has stepped in at least part way and prohibited Danton from talking to Frost.

Mike Danton, accused by federal prosecutors of trying to hire a hit man, must refrain from talking with the man prosecutors say he wanted dead.

U.S. District Judge Michael Reagan ordered that no contact take place between the St. Louis Blues winger and his agent, David Frost, but said at a Friday status conference that Frost's family may continue to contact and visit the hockey player.

"Your best friends now are your attorneys," Reagan said. "It's best to keep your mouth shut."

No shit, Sherlock. Danton has apparently disowned his own family and claims Frost's family as his own. Danton's plead not guilty to all charges, and there's a real possibility that Frost could testify during the trial, though on which side is unknown at this point.

Now I know what Law and Order is going to open up with next season I think.

Kerry, Catholics, and choices

John Kerry's status as a practicing Catholic has been fodder for the media for a while now, really ever since he became the presumptive nominee. But the latest development (free registration required) over this matter has finally nudged me to say something about the matter.

The Roman Catholic bishop of Colorado Springs has issued a pastoral letter saying that American Catholics should not receive communion if they vote for politicians who defy church teaching by supporting abortion rights, same-sex marriage, euthanasia or stem-cell research.

Several bishops in the United States have warned that they will deny communion to Catholic politicians who fail to stand with the church, but Bishop Michael J. Sheridan of Colorado Springs is believed to be the first to say he will extend the ban to Catholic voters.

Jesus General lampoons this ridiculous escalation pretty succinctly on his blog today:

I think we need to put the fear of God into them by reinstituting the Inquisition. Imagine how quickly errant parishioners would remove their Kerry bumper stickers once they've been shown the instruments of confession. I bet the mere mention of the rack would be enough to convince them that election day might be best spent in the company of lonely monks at some remote monastery.

This post plus the mess at Abu Ghraib suddenly has planted an image in my head of Rumsfeld in a monk's robe doing a musical number
"The inquisition...let's begin
The Inquisition...look out sin!"

Leaving aside Secretary Torquemada for a minute, this notion is almost laughable were it not so ridiculously scary and hypocritical. As Atrios mentions in his comments on this story, such an overt movement to influence votes should clearly deny the church its tax exempt status. If such action is sanctioned and enforced by any of its ruling body, it ceases to be a religious endeavor/enterprise and moves well into the territory of PAC. If the church wants to play the game in that way, it has to be prepared to pay the piper.

Many other blogs have also touched on the very readily apparent hypocrisy in the way Kerry and other Democratic pro-choice candidates have been targeted. The Catholic Church has so emphatically stated a universal opposition to the death penalty. Yet nowhere in any of the stories on this "issue" has this been touched on. Father Andrew M. Greeley commented on this briefly when he appeared on Hardball with Chris Matthews (transcript here):

GREELEY: Well, I wonder when they're going to refuse the Eucharist to those who support the Iraqi war, which the bishops themselves have said was an unjust war.

I mean, it seems that the only people that get punished for their political stands are Democrats, never Republicans.

The motives for such omissions are speculated on by Father Greeley in this editorial he wrote for the New York Daily News. They are far from noble:

I can think of a couple of reasons. First, denouncing abortion will get you attention in the Vatican. Attacking the death penalty and the war are not likely to promote your career. Second, the rules are different for Democrats and Republicans. It is curious, to say the least, that 30 years after Roe vs. Wade, the issue of denying the sacraments would be raised during this election year.

Ironic that even when dealing with matters of spirituality, politics still plays a heavy part.

Greeley also touches in his editorial on another issue I have with the Church now saying I, if I support a Democrat in elections, can not take communion (since these Bishops don't address pro choice Republicans, I don't think I need to either). Considering theabhorrentt way the Church hierarchy has handled the sexual abuse scandals of the last few years, it seems the height of folly and arrogance for these people to tell me what actions are and are not permissible for my support as a Catholic. From the story linked above (this was on Wednesday May 12th):

The head of the review board set up to monitor Roman Catholic bishops' response to the clergy sex abuse crisis has accused the church leaders of returning to "business as usual" to impede reform efforts.

Some bishops are trying to block the National Review Board from conducting an audit this year to determine whether all 195 U.S. dioceses are following reforms aimed at ridding the priesthood of abusers, Illinois Appellate Court Judge Anne Burke wrote in a letter published Tuesday.

So we shouldn't take communion on Sunday if we support a pro-choice candidate, not worry our pretty little head about whether the priest giving it to us once we have found the path of righteousness is perhaps a pedophile. Nice.

I don't pretend to be a good Catholic. I fell away from the church some time ago, and have only recently fallen back into the habit of going with the intention of finding my personal faith and along what lines that faith lies. I would imagine that I am like a lot of people who are Catholic these days. I know what general stances the Church takes, but am very foggy on the specific ins and outs of doctrine.

Yet something in what Bishop Sheridan says makes me really wonder whether he has faith in mind with his position:

In the interview, the bishop said that his aim was to clarify the standards for Catholic voters and that he hoped they applied them in their choice of candidates. He said that on the "basic moral teachings of the church,'' there is no "wiggle room."

He also said he hoped to reform the "cafeteria Catholics" who believed it was acceptable to pick and choose the doctrines they agreed with.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but adherence to the doctrine without understanding behind it isn't faith, it's dogma. It's doing what one is told without knowing why it is right or wrong. Faith to me has always been about what lies in the heart as well as the head. I can not wrap my brain around the notion that someone who does good works in the context of the world and improving it is somehow less a Christian for supporting one stance that is contrary to Church teaching than an individual who follows the letter of Church law absolutely but is otherwise a completely amoral person.

In a lot of respects, I feel there's a parallel between the Church's double standard and the abuses at Abu Ghraib. Just as the institutionalized abuse at Abu Ghraib makes it more difficult, if not flat out impossible, to claim a moral high road regarding the treatment of prisoners during times of war, so too is it difficult to reconcile a section of the clergy telling us that supporting a candidate may be contrary to Church doctrine and jeopardize a person's salvation when that same body seems so (pardon the expression) hellbent on preventing any meaningful reforms to prevent very un-Christian behavior from traumatizing those whose journey into faith and the Church is just beginning.

Practicing what one preaches is more than just a saying. It needs to be a way of life. One way or the other.

My two cents.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Future notices/personal update

After next week, the Movie Retrospectives series will be put on a temporary hiatus. For those who know me personally, you know what the deal is. For those who don't, in the matter of a couple of weeks, I will become a first time homeowner.

The whole ordeal of buying a house has been educational, a little trying (though I didn't find it as tough as some other have), and more than a little scary. I don't find it frightening on the basis of impending adulthood, as that has been something I have been dealing with for some time.

I think I find it more scary for the volume of responsibility that comes with it. There's a lot that goes into taking care of a house. And though getting mine new helps save me some of the headaches that come when things break down, the simple matter is there's still a lot to learn, do, and know in becoming a homeowner.

That having been said, I look at my life and can only come to one conclusion. I find myself sitting here in a coffee shop, working on an iBook that I own, in a city with wireless nodes in every place I love to sit and just be. I have many good friends who do a lot for me, and make me feel comfortable with who I am. Those friends include an ex-wife who could easily have let things in our separation and divorce turn ugly, just as I could have. The fact that she felt it just as important as I to maintain friendship and not burn bridges is a blessing.

I have a wonderfully supportive family who helped me through the pains that did come with the divorce. They are also making this home purchase possible with all the help they can give me.

I have a good solid job, working with really great people. I want for nothing in this world.

So every day, even when reading the news makes the world look as bleak and depressing as things can possibly get in this world, I still feel I can sit here and say that I am truly blessed. Life really is good.

Part of what makes it good is knowing that mo

It's amazing what happens when you find a cure for cranial-rectal shunt...

Belle Waring of Crooked Timber has a post on this story from the NY Times (free registration required). The story explores the fact that the Abu Ghraib abuses were not isolated to Iraq, as reports now indicate the same treatments being used in Afghanistan. Some of the more notable mentions:

A former Afghan police colonel gave a graphic account in an interview this week of being subjected to beating, kicking, sleep deprivation, taunts and sexual abuse during about 40 days he spent in American custody in Afghanistan last summer. He also said he had been repeatedly photographed, often while naked.

[snip]

His account could not be independently verified, but members of the Afghan Independent Human Rights Commission accompanied a reporter during the interview and said his story matched the one given to them last fall, shortly after his release and long before the abuse at the Abu Ghraib near Baghdad came to light.

With the Abu Ghraib abuses now being seen under light of day, it's not going to matter much in the court of public opinion whether these allegations are true or not. The current administration has long ago sold out our worldwide credibility in the name of folly and misadventure in Iraq that will at this point have no payoff at all on any level.

It doesn't help matters when the powers that be insist on having their heads in the sand or other orfices when dealing with allegations:

It (a statement from the US Embassy in Kabul) quoted the American ambassador in Kabul, Zalmay Khalilzad, as saying, "To the best of our knowledge this is the first time anyone in the military chain of command or the United States Embassy has heard of this alleged mistreatment."

But a member of the human rights commission said members had mentioned details of Mr. Siddiqui's case, apparently the first complaint of sexual abuse from a detainee in Afghanistan, to American military officials here last year.

Belle has a comment that says it all in response to one really nice jewel of wisdom from one of the COs dealing with the allegations:

Mr. Siddiqui [a former Afghan police colonel detained by US forces for 22 days] said he was stripped naked and photographed in each of the three places he was held. Sometimes, as in Bagram, it appeared to be part of a detailed identification procedure.

There he was photographed full length, naked, from the front, back and two sides, he said. Something was inserted into his rectum during that procedure, he said, but he does not know what it was or why it was done. “I was feeling very bad,” he said.
General Barno [commander of US forces in Afghanistan] said that this may have been to search for hidden items, but that the practice of strip searches and fully naked identification photographs was being reviewed and changed. “We’re concerned as well about the cultural impact of doing that,” he said.

Oh, you are, are you? How thoughtful. “Fully naked identification photographs”? Is that so we can spot the terrorists when a big group of naked Afghanis come running towards us? “I remember him, strawberry birthmark on the right buttock, dresses left. Take him out, boys.” WTF? WTF!!?? What the hell is happening to my country?

I'm asking myself the same question every day I read the news Belle. Right there with you.

Where is the nation headed?

The Goddess tipped me off to this story on Slate:

Last week a British reporter was detained by immigration officials and then expelled from the United States for traveling here without knowing that the visa rules had changed. More precisely, she didn't know that a decades-old unenforced rule was suddenly being enforced against friendly tourists long accustomed to entering the country without a visa at all.

[snip]

What's wrong with requiring foreign journalists to have a special press visa, you ask? Why shouldn't they have to show that they are here for good and benign reasons? Well, for one thing, we don't require most tourists from these friendly nations to obtain visas. Indeed, some of the reporters locked up and deported from LAX had already been allowed through immigration as tourists and were only nabbed later when they or their colleagues copped to being journalists.

This is behavior that would inspire Soviet Cold War era manipulations and restrictions, were there still a Cold War going on. I think it's just one more example of how out of touch the current administration is in the way it's trying to fight the war on terror.

Give the whole thing a read when you have a chance. Chilling stuff. The last paragraph will have you banging your head on your desk.

Jeez Louise

Isn't this like Texas without football?

North Carolina Speedway will lose its only remaining race and Darlington Raceway will have just one as part of a realignment plan for 2005, a NASCAR source told The Associated Press on Thursday.

I know jack about NASCAR, but even I know that a lot of its roots come out of the deep south, and North Carolina is a large part of that. Losing NASCAR after this season is going to get somebody fired from their job, and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if it turned into a political issue on a local or state level.

Texas Motor Speedway is going to get one of the two races leaving NC next year. That's got to be a bit of a surprise considering the Speedway's troubled start. From what I know, I would guess that problems with the track at TMS that had some drivers claiming that the track would probably get someone killed before long have been resolved to a very satisfactory degree. I'm sorry for the state of NC, but gotta give home state props to TMS. This is quite a coup.

Movie Retrospectives: Professional Killers
Grosse Pointe Blank

They all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they've all made themselves a part of something and they can talk about what they do. What am I gonna say? "I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How've you been?"

Martin Q. Blank

It's often been said you can't go home again. Once you leave, both you and the place you left from have been altered forever. The same could be said for the people you leave behind. Second chances are rare. It's rarer still when those second chances actually work better than the first go around. All of which is why Grosse Pointe Blank is such a delightfully deviant movie coached around the concept of professional killers.

John Cusack is Marty Blank. Ten years ago, Marty left the girl of his dreams (Debi Newberry, played to the hilt by Minnie Driver) standing on Prom Night. He bailed to join the army, where his "moral flexibility" makes him an ideal candidate for training to become an assassin. Now out of the army and in business for himself, Martin finds himself haunted about the road not taken, and where it might have led him.

It seems particularly poignant to wonder about that given his current work circumstances. He finds himself at odds with a competing killer named Grocer (Dan Akroyd, in the best thing he's done in years). Grocer wants to establish a sort of killers' union for stronger bargaining potential. It's the sort of work conflicts you and I might deal with at some point, except where Blank and Grocer are concerned, the conflicts usually end with somebody dead.

Martin gets a chance to try and resolve all of his personal emotional issues when he gets an invite to his ten year class reunion. Will Debi be there? Can he make things up to her? Can he get Grocer off his back? All of these questions and more get answered along the way.

Two years before Tony Soprano made it stylish for killers to talk to shrinks to try and resolve their issues, this movie took the concept and made some really funny hay out of it. Martin has a very strange working relationship with his shrink Dr Oatman (Alan Arkin). As he tries to work out his regrets about the past with Oatman's help, it works towards some of the best lines in the whole movie. At one point, upon learning his former home is now a Quickie Mart, Blank calls Oatman to try and work out the issues created by this revelation:

I, I'm standing where my, uh, living room was and it's not here because my house is gone and it's an Ultimart! You can never go home again, Oatman... but I guess you can shop there.

The scene is accompanied by one of the best musical transitions in recent film, as the cacophony of Guns 'N Roses cover of Live and Let Die melds into a Muzak'd version of same as Martin walks into the Ultimart. It's funny, surreal, and a little sad, all at the same time.

Unlike Prizzi's Honor, which also tried to explore the world of love and the professional killer, this movie succeeds strongly because of the very hot chemistry between the two leads.

Driver plays Minnie with all sorts of sexual energy and very bitter frustration. As the local DJ, she really makes her voice work for radio. But when she comes face to face with Martin for the first time in ten years, she really makes him work hard to get back in her good graces after all she'd been through trying to get over him. It makes the passion between her and Martin very palpable. They really spark in their exchanges, in such a way that I would really like to see the two work together again.

By the same token, Martin's relationship with his secretary Marcella (Cusack's real life sister Joan) also has some real spark. Though they don't play brother and sister on the screen, Martin and Marcella have a very strong, but at times adversarial relationship. The back and forth the exchange over the phone is dryly funny in all the right ways.

None of this would work nearly as well if it didn't have a really brilliant screenplay to work from. The screenplay was a collaborative effort from Tom Jankiewicz, D.V. DeVincentis (who wrote the equally sharp Cusack picture High Fidelity), Steve Pink (who also co-wrote High Fidelity), and Cusack himself from a story by Jankiewicz. Normally having that many hands all over a screenplay would be a recipe for disaster. Instead this movie has so much subtle strength going for it in so many ways.

I still remember seeing this movie in the theater and being amazed at just how strong it was. It had me laughing in all the right places, and at the same time showed the Cusack has more than enough grit and strength to pull off an action lead. He has a hand to hand combat scene with a killer sent to bump him off that is really strong without being flashy. And the gunfight between Cusack, Akroyd, and his henchman to close out the final act is a hell of a lot of fun (side note: Akroyd had me howling with his rendition of "She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain" that he sings to Martin as he enters the house).

This is just a really sharp, funny, smart movie that takes a concept that might seem absurd on its face and completely stands it on its ear. You will not find many better low budget action comedies anywhere. A must see if you're looking for something just a little off the wall. And Cusack and Driver make it a more than serviceable date movie to boot.

Tomorrow, we close with the same director we opened with. Luc Besson's La Femme Nikita to close out the professional killers for the week.

Ire over Idol

Few things really invoke my sense of cynicism more than reality TV. I found The Apprentice this last TV Season a moderately entertaining watch, mainly because it was readily apparent to me how some of what the folks getting cut and moving on could actually apply what they did and learned to their real lives. Anybody who applies what they learned from, say, Survivor, I don't want anywhere near me anytime, anyplace.

That having been said, if I see CNN.com running one more story like this on the front frigging page, I think I'm going to have to beat somebody or something with a blunt object:

London kept smiling even as the crowd booed in reaction to her removal from the Fox TV singing competition.

[snip]

The show's judges were more candid in their reactions.

"I think America got this one wrong this week," Paula Abdul said.

"I think it's a travesty," echoed Randy Jackson.

Um, no Randy. What happened in Abu Ghraib is a travesty. What happened to Nicholas Berg is a travesty.

This is a damned popularity contest that didn't turn out the way the "cool kids" seemed to think it ought to. And what the hell did you expect anyway? You put the decision of who stays and who goes in the hands of the general public, who can't stay focuses on the news for more than 15 minutes, let alone who's a better singer. And you're surprised when the vote doesn't turn out the way you friggin expected it to? Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick!

And what's worse is that this is the second time CNN has run a story on the website about the so called "expert" judges disagreeing with the public vote. Folks, this isn't Florida in 2000. This is a mediocre TV show with mediocre talent competing to be flavor of the week. So why the hell are we lending it any weight at all like this has some kind of serious social impact??? From the second story, lead paragraph:

"Theories flew fast and furious Thursday after the "American Idol" viewer vote went against favorite Jennifer Hudson, ranging from racism to fateful weather to teenage puppy love."

Racism??? RACISM?!?!? You're using a stupid contest to ask questions about racism??? Give me a break, please.

Oh and Ryan Seacrest? You talentless no good hack, when the voting audience makes a decision, don't go out and bag on their choice.

"Even series host Ryan Seacrest chastised viewers.

'America, don't forget you have to vote for the talent. You have to keep your favorites in the competition. You cannot let talent like this slip through the cracks,' he said after results were announced Wednesday."

Maybe their voting reminded you that you're one bad sweeps week from being resigned to corner square status on the next Hollywood Squares knockoff, trading pithy cracks with Whoopi Goldberg and a damn muppet, but don't take it out on them because you're one step away from making that phone call to your folks that goes "Hi Mom, I'm Goofy."

Somewhere, Bill Hicks is spinning in his grave trying to get out to really lay one on these chumps. God knows, they're easy enough targets.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Movie Retrospectives: Professional Killers
The Killer

Because professional killers by design need to be solitary creatures, it's no wonder that in the movies they always seem to find their downfall when they try to establish some kind of ties to another person. In the case of John Woo's The Killer, Jeffrey (Chow Yun-Fat) is undone not just by connections but by conscience.

On of the best hitmen money can buy in Hong Kong, Jeffrey has a hit go horribly wrong in a night club. He makes his hit, but as he shoots his way out of the club, he has an accident with a young singer who was playing the club that night. As he fires on one of the bodyguards trying to kill him, Jennie (Sally Yeh) is too close to the gun and her corneas are burned by the muzzle flash.

She winds up blinded, with only one chance to possibly see again: a very expensive cornea transplant that may or may not work. Jeffrey's conscience won't let him rest until he pulls one last job to get the money to undo the damage he has wrought in Jennie's life.

Woo had already been well established as one of the premier action directors in Hong Kong when The Killer was released in 1989. He was renowned for his action choreography and shooting style that translated to the screen as a "ballet of bullets". The Killer continues his trend for solid action wrapped around a strong emotional core.

Chow Yun-Fat as Jeffrey is a very conscientious man despite his profession. His dedication to Jennie as her guardian angel after the accident reflects the heavy burden of guilt he feels for what he has taken away from her. Though she can still carry on as a singer, he gets small snippets of what other parts of her life were affected by her loss of sight through photos around her apartment.

The pull of his conscience carries beyond Jennie, and impacts decisions he would not have otherwise made in his profession. When the last hit goes wrong from a double cross, a young girl is wounded in the crossfire. Knowing that she needs immediate medical attention to have a chance at living, Jeffrey does everything in his power to see to it that she gets it, even at risk to his own life and freedom.

The double cross sets the stage for one of the other main subplots in the story. Questions of what defines loyalty and friendship weigh heavily in this film. Jeffrey must cope with questioning the loyalty of his friend and mentor Sydney. He also receives an unexpected ally in Police Inspector Li (Danny Lee). Li seeks to get Jeffrey for what Li perceives as Jeffrey's role in the death of his partner. As he comes to know Jeffrey better, Li recognizes the wild streak in Jeffrey that thrives in Li himself. Combined with an understanding of Jeffrey's crisis of conscience surrounding Jennie's accident, Li develops a begrudging respect for Jeffrey.

This is a movie about criminals, however, and hitman rarely if ever get the happy ending. This film is no exception, with a huge gun battle in a remote church that settles all scores for all the players, none of them in a way that can be described as satisfactory for them.

The movie though is more than satisfactory for me as a viewer from beginning to end. Any Hong Kong era Woo movie is a joy just to watch for the way he shoots his action. Shying away from the debate about how he has been neutered in his Hollywood efforts, I can safely say that this is as good as he can get with this film. If you've seen Face/Off, Woo's only really solid Hollywood vehicle, you'll recognize elements of the church standoff in that movie that he cribbed out of his work in The Killer. The scene here is much more compelling, with better tension.

Chow Yun-Fat has a lot of the charisma and grit he demonstrates in the later Woo feature Hard Boiled, but also some of the world weariness that made his turn as Li Mu Bai in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon so amazing. It really kills me sometimes that he doesn't get more opportunities to stand out as a leading man, having to go instead with crap like Bulletproof Monk.

If you want to get a feel for Woo in any real capacity, you have to see this movie, along with A Better Tomorrow I & II, and Hard Boiled, his last Hong Kong feature before coming to the US. Action doesn't get any better. And this movie shows a hitman that isn't afraid to get introspective.

Tomorrow, we'll see another hitman that gets introspective, but it gets played for some solid laughs. Grosse Pointe Blank. Have a good night.

Who in blazes thought this would be a good idea?

From ESPN:

A Tampa Bay Lightning promotion that offers unlimited free beer to people who agree to buy season tickets is drawing the ire of safe-driving advocates.

Local police and several area chapters of Mothers Against Drunk Driving say the NHL team's offer is irresponsible

I can see the Tampa Bay Lightning response: No shit? Unlimited drinking could potentially be a bad thing?

The pitch: Hey, here's an idea! Let's provide an incentive for supporting the team that could potentially lead to loss of life by a small portion of our fan base, as well as non-hockey related parties, and potentially put the team and facility in a position of liability!

Marketing....oy!

Interesting thought experiment

John Quiggin at Crooked Timber has a really good analysis that gets at the heart of the problem with making the claim that the incidents at Abu Ghraib could somehow be justified with information gleaned from torture. Give it a read.

Vamp Collecting

Jesse over at Pandagon has a pretty scathing look at Van Helsing up. I had been debating giving this one a chance, but his take on it has me more than a little afraid of spending $8 on it. That's half a tank of gas these days.

Well, almost half.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Movie Retrospectives: Professional Killers
Prizzi's Honor

Professional killers are frequently staples of mob movies, though rarely are they the centerpiece for the mob film itself. The dynamics of family and trust are more compelling in mob films than those that pull the trigger, in my opinion. Prizzi's Honor is a mob film that puts the focus on the killers. It winds up a bit lacking for it.

Jack Nicholson is Charley Partanna. Charley was a made man from day one. His father Angelo is practically family to crime boss Don Corrado Prizzi (William Hickey in a fun little role) and the Don's two sons Dominic and Eduardo. On the day of his birth, the Don swore that Charley would always be one of the family. Charley swears a blood oath when he's old enough to always defend the family's honor.

At a family wedding, Charley happens to notice and catch the eye of a stunning woman in lavender. He gets one dance with her, before she disappears. He fears he might never see her again.

Events conspire to bring them together, as they are wont to do in films like these. The fall in love in a whirlwind romance where he learns her name is Irene (Kathleen Turner). He also learns that she's also a contract killer. And eventually things turn to the point that they may have to kill each other.

A critically acclaimed film that garnered eight Oscar noms when it came out in 1985, this is not a film that has weathered the near 20 years hence very well. It's played and billed as a black comedy, but it doesn't have nearly the bite necessary to pull it off well.

Part of the weakness for me lies in the romance between Nicholson and Turner. Charley and Irene are painted as passionately in love and willing to do anything for each other in short order. None of that comes across for me in anyway. A lot of that burden lies on Nicholson's shoulders. While he hadn't yet completely devolved into the caricature of himself he is today, he just isn't believable to me as a wiseguy for the mob. I mean he plays better than, say, Ben Affleck in Gigli, but that's not saying a whole hell of a lot.

Turner is far better as Irene. She has always had a good on-screen presence as a seductress. Having the voice she does always gives her character more weight in that department. And she's pretty good at giving Irene some depth, proving to Charley and the audience that she's not everything she appears at any time during the story.

The strongest performances come from the supporting cast. William Hickey is an actor whose name you may not recognize but whose voice you never forget. He gives a really great performance as the Don. He's not Brando in The Godfather, and that's really why it works so well. Hickey gives it his own personal touches and it shows.

Anjelica Huston is the other notable actor as Dominic's daughter Maerose. She has a history with Charley that led to her becoming an outcast from the family. She plays everyone she can off every angle to try and get back in, and more importantly collect a pound of flesh or two that she thinks she's owed along the way. She won the film's only Oscar for Best Supporting Actress, and it was very well earned.

The movie plays with a high cheese factor because of how poorly its aged, but it still has some fun moments. The black comedy doesn't play as strongly as some of the family drama, but it works in spots. But that is what happens when you try to focus on the muscle, and not the family, I say.

Tomorrow: John Woo's The Killer (in all its digital glory :-).

God help me, I'm a sad sad man...

So I was trying to run down John Woo's The Killer for tomorrow's Professional Killer entry (Prizzi's Honor will be up shortly).

Problem is this is a very difficult movie to get a hold of. The definitive DVD version by Criterion has been out of print for some time. It used to trade for ridiculous amounts on ebay (winning bids upwards of $130-150 were not uncommon). There are some other discs that I think come from a US distributor that specializes in Chinese action and martial arts films. But not many places carry it anymore for rental.

So I went to a local video store and found it on VHS. Dubbed, no subtitles. And I couldn't stand it at all.

Not only was it that I have gotten so spoiled by the pristine picture quality of the digital format, but that it drove me nucking futs to not be able to turn the subtitles on and the awful dubbing job off just by clicking on a menu option.

When I was first in school, I used to play Magic: The Gathering, and we would make jokes about the game consisting of "cardboard crack". Now my crack comes in plastic keepcases and digipacks.

Woe is me...

Sooners: Making Aggies look good by comparison for decades

From the "What the hell is this man smoking?" department, via Norbizness (amongst others) we bring you Senator James Inhofe:

"I'm probably not the only one up at this table that is more outraged by the outrage than we are by the treatment," the Oklahoma Republican said at a U.S. Senate hearing probing the scandal.

"These prisoners, you know they're not there for traffic violations," Inhofe said. "If they're in cellblock 1-A or 1-B, these prisoners, they're murderers, they're terrorists, they're insurgents. Many of them probably have American blood on their hands and here we're so concerned about the treatment of those individuals."

Um, Senator, maybe they don't teach you how to read up there in Oklahoma, so we'll spell it out for you nice and slow.

Via Josh Marshall (again, amongst others identifying the asinine):

Of course, according to American military intelligence officers who spoke with the ICRC, 70% to 90% of the detainees in Iraq were there by mistake.

So they're murders, insurgents, and terrorists...unless, well, they aren't. And of course we know that Inhofe will rush right out to make sure that his oversight will be corrected in the official record. And the media will point it out (to someone's credit, the Yahoo story linked above does list the numbers in the very next paragraph).

Tom Tomorrow also points out another bit of insanity from the Sooner Senator:

From the Senate hearing on Iraqi prisoner abuse, a few moments ago:

JAMES INHOFE (R-OK): All kinds of accounts are coming out now, many are fictitious I would suggest, one was about a guy being dragged out of a barbershop, this was in the Washington Post this morning, they talked about the person doing this had AK47s...are our troops issued AK47s?

LT GEN LANCE SMITH: They are not, sir.

Hah! Gotcha, lying liberal media! Here's the article, which Inhofe has clearly proven to be factually flawed, right?

Not exactly.

BAQOUBA, Iraq (AP) An American soldier stands at the side of an Iraqi highway, puts his AK-47 on fully automatic and pulls the trigger.

--snip--

''We just do not have enough rifles to equip all of our soldiers. So in certain circumstances we allow soldiers to have an AK-47. They have to demonstrate some proficiency with the weapon ... demonstrate an ability to use it,'' said Lt. Col. Mark Young, commander of the 3rd Battalion, 67th Armor Regiment, 4th Infantry Division.

So not only does the Senator think that it's ok to torture and possibly murder the innocent, he sidesteps the fact that with W.'s folly going to lengths unexpected by anyone among the chickenhawks, we can't afford or are otherwise unwilling to equip our soldiers overseas with the necessary firearms to be able to defend themselves. They've got to pick up what they need along the way.

You have got to be frigging kidding me? How is it this dip has been in the Senate this long? Even Sooners aren't that clueless, are they? I suppose we'll find out in November. Inhofe is not running for re-election. If they put someone in there with half a brain, and a full conscience, then we'll know.

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